When You're Gone
by TwoFacedPierrot
Summary: What's the point of me being his light when I couldn't even protect him?


**I finally wrote something within a week. YESHHHHH /shot**

**I apologize for my sadistic tendencies to kill character's as I write ;;w;; I'll write a happy KuroBasu fic next, I swear! **

**This turned out kinda drabble-ish without me realizing it lol. I blame my amateurishness in writing these stuff OTL**

**btw, anyone participated in Black Out Day yesterday? ouo or was I scammed lol /shot**

**..i'll shut up now. KuroBasu is not mine. Excuse my mistakes. **

**Thank you in advance for reading and I hope you enjoy it!**

* * *

_I should have never asked._

It was raining. A fairly large group of people clad in black suits and dresses stood in a cemetery, some carrying umbrellas, some not bothered by the drizzle.

The atmosphere was depressing. Kagami stood among about forty other people, staring blankly ahead. A middle-aged couple stood at the very front, holding a picture in their hands as the priest went on babbling things that probably no one heard. The boy in the picture had pale blue eyes and hair of almost the same color, and he looked emotionless.

Kagami followed as everyone moved to form a line, each holding a white rose. He stood at the very back in the line of mourners.

The rain masked any signs of tears, but Kagami could make out many people crying. His teammates from Seirin High's basketball club had all failed to hold their tears in as they gently placed the flower on the lid of the coffin. Hyuuga's shoulders shook with his effort to keep himself together. Riko had attempted to say something before choking up. Everyone else couldn't bear for a second look at the coffin that was to be lowered into ground.

Even the Generation of Miracles were there. Aomine sobbed helplessly, his usual arrogant look gone as he held the weeping Momoi in his arms. Kise wailed like a child, ignoring the strange looks he was given by certain people. Midorima pretended to clean his glasses. Murasakibara had his bangs covering his eyes. Akashi turned away as soon as he lay the rose down, silently letting his tears trail down his face.

Kagami stepped forward and placed the flower, his finger lingering on the smooth surface of the lid for a split second before he retracted his hand. All of it did not feel real to him yet . He blended back into the mourning crowd in a daze-like state. He couldn't cry, despite everything. He didn't feel any sadness, only emptiness.

A deep unending emptiness, as if he'd been hollowed out and scraped clean inside.

**xXx**

Kagami skipped practice again.

He lay on his back on the floor of the school rooftop, staring at the cloudless sky. The color that flooded his field of vision reminded him of _that person_, but he still felt nothing. The funeral had passed 3 months ago. Even with _him_ no longer there, life went on. The basketball team continued training. Everyone went to school like normal.

The only thing that actually changed was the fact that Kagami had gradually stopped playing basketball. He found it no longer meaningful. His teammates weren't bad at the sport, but Kagami found it hard to play with them without _him_. Basketball was nothing without his loyal shadow supporting him in the court.

He'd even skipped that practice game with Kaijou High the other day.

Strange. Kagami had never felt that way before he met _him_. He played by himself just fine back at the States.

"There you are!"

Riko's voice rang loud and clear in Kagami's ears, but he pretended not to hear. He'd been having such episodes ever since the second time he disappeared from practice.

"Kagami!"

The redhead shut his eyes, trying to block out her voice.

"Oi Kagami. Listen to me."

Riko's voice was as insistent as ever. Kagami bit back a 'shut up'.

The coach sighed, not exasperatedly, just wearily. "Snap out of if, Kagami." Her tone softened. "I know it's hard to accept, but it's the truth." She inhaled, careful to not let her voice quaver. "No matter what you do, Kuroko isn't coming back anymore."

If Kagami hadn't felt to utterly hollow, those words would've shot arrows right through him. His heart would've ached uncontrollably. He would've jumped up and started blaming himself for everything. But he just turned to his side and muttered, "Leave me alone."

"Do you think that Kuroko will be happy seeing you like this if he's here?" Riko demanded.

"But he's not," Kagami said shortly. "Kuroko's not coming back. That's what you just told me. So it doesn't matter."

"Kagami-" Riko hesitated for a moment, desperately trying to find the right words in her mind. "Just.. come back, okay?" She decided. "We don't care how long it will take, but please.. don't quit basketball. We'll all wait for you. Don't give up on the game that you love so much." The coach turned around. "And don't disappoint him, even if he's not here anymore."

Kagami only lifted his eyelids as he heard Riko's fading footsteps as she made her way back to the gym.

**xXx**

The cemetery became one of Kagami's regularly visited places.

He carried a small bouquet of flowers in one hand, and his school bag in the other as he walked towards the grave he was intending to visit. As he turned around a corner, three figures caught his eye. They stood in front of Kuroko's grave; two guys - one with blonde hair and another with choppily cut blue hair and dark skin - and a pink haired girl.

Aomine turned as he heard Kagami approaching, followed by Kise and Momoi. They silently backed away in Kagami's wake, watching him quietly kneel down to place the flowers before the tombstone. Kagami clapped his hands together in a short soundless prayer before straightening with a soft huff.

"..Where were you?"

Kagami regarded the blonde sideways, raising his eyebrows.

"Where were you during the practice game?" Kise repeated, his fists clenched. His golden eyes gleamed with sadness and anger.

Kagami's silence only pissed him off more.

But Kise did not attempt to make a move. Aomine did it for him. The tanned boy strode forward in two wide steps and grabbed hold of Kagami's collar with one hand. His free hand curled into a fist, which he landed hard on Kagami's face.

"You idiot!" he yelled. Kagami stumbled before regaining his footing, brushing blood from the side of his mouth where he bit when Aomine punched him.

"Dai-chan!" Momoi slid her hands firmly around Aomine's waist, trying her hardest to hold him back before he did any more stupid things. Kise held his arms back.

"Why aren't you saying anything, you bastard?" Aomine demanded when Kagami still did not respond. "It's all your fault!"

"Enough, Dai-chan!" Momoi pleaded, sounding very close to tears.

"Do you think you can repent by stopping basketball?" Aomine completely ignored her, straining against their grasp. "You were _there_ when the truck hit him. You could've done something to stop Tetsu. You could've _saved his life!_"

"Aominecchi," Kise spoke up, his voice tight. "Just stop it."

"What's the point of being his freaking light if you couldn't even protect him?"

Aomine's last sentence made something spark in the emptiness of Kagami's heart. Kagami couldn't understand what it was, but it stung. It stung ever so lightly and uncomfortably.

He turned and walked away before they could hear his response.

**xXx**

Kagami stepped into his empty apartment.

He shut the door behind him, and robotically made his way towards his bedroom. He dumped his schoolbag aside, accidentally bumping the small drawer by his bedside. Several items rattled and dropped onto the floor from the impact. Kagami heaved a sigh as he bent down to retrieve them.

He replaced everything except one. Kagami sat on the floor and leaned against the side of his bed, holding a picture in his hand. The photo showed two high school boys in basketball jerseys, holding a silver trophy between them. Kagami was grinning widely. Kuroko only smiled in his usual polite-sort of way.

Kagami had just won the best rookie player award that day from a small-scale tournament. His teammates had insisted that he shared the prize with Kuroko, which he didn't mind at all. He owed it to the smaller male anyway.

Kagami traced Kuroko's figure, knitting his eyebrows as an unwanted memory slowly invaded his mind, pushing away the happy one.

The sun was scorching. The brightness was blinding. Kagami could barely see ahead of him as he and Kuroko walked towards their favorite fast food restaurant. Coach had miraculously called off their training session that day, and no one was complaining.

"Hey.. Kuroko?" Kagami had spoken up halfway through after a long while of thinking it over. Kuroko had glanced up at him before moving his hand to shield his eyes.

"Would you…" Kagami inhaled to steel his nerves. He could _do_ this. "Will you go out with me?"

He didn't see Kuroko's surprised reaction because he turned away as soon as he said it. Kagami figured he was blushing pretty hard.

Kuroko kept quiet in response. Kagami felt something in him shatter, but he held on to hope.

"You don't need to answer me right now," he backed up. "You can do so anytime else."

But when he looked back, Kuroko wasn't there. Kagami suddenly felt a cold chill down his spine and he spun around.

He turned just in time to see the truck hit his teammate in a screech of tires.

Kagami's mind turned blank at that moment. He couldn't comprehend what he saw, not even when he heard a piercing scream from a terrified pedestrian. Not even when he saw Kuroko's limp body laying motionless on the concrete ground, a pool of crimson slowly spreading around him. Not even when someone yelled for an ambulance.

It had been Kagami's fault that Kuroko died. Kagami knew that and dreaded it. If only he hadn't asked such a stupid question out of the blue. If only he'd noticed Kuroko before he was gone. If only he was fast enough to pull Kuroko back or at least push him out of the way.

Aomine's words echoed in his ears.

_It's all your fault._

It was all _his_ fault.

Kagami clutched his chest. The hollow emptiness he was feeling was abruptly fading, replaced by a wave of extreme sadness and despair. It was painful. It felt as if he would break apart. And he _was_ breaking apart. Bit by bit.

Kagami hugged his knees, and for the first time since Kuroko's funeral, wept over the loss of the boy he loved.

**xXx**

Kagami dreamt of Kuroko's death for the fifth time.

And even in his dream, he'd never been able to save him once.

Kagami awoke in cold sweat. _When did I fall asleep_? He wondered. He glanced at the clock. He'd slept the whole night using his knees as his pillow. His neck hurt like hell.

Rubbing the back of his aching neck, Kagami's gaze wandered across the floor of his room. A piece of cream colored paper caught his eye and he reached over to pick it up. He turned the paper around, and his eyes widened at the familiar handwriting of the words scribbled there.

_To Kagami-kun. _

Without thinking Kagami scrambled on his legs and rushed out, half hoping to see Kuroko standing in his living room. His heart hammered against his chest, hurting to just get a last glance of that slender boy.

But his apartment was empty. He was still alone.

Kagami sighed aloud. Who was he kidding. Someone who died doesn't just return like that.

But there was the letter. Kagami knew it wasn't there the night before. He held it up, unfolding it with shaking fingers.

_Kagami-kun_, he read.

_Hello there. It has been a while. _

_And no, your eyes are not deceiving you. This letter is real. But it is up to you whether or not to believe it. _

_As you can see, I'm already dead. But I couldn't move on. There was something I needed to do before I cross over to the other side. That is why I'm writing this. _

_You asked me to be your boyfriend. If I'm not mistaken, you had not heard my answer, had you? I got involved in that accident before I could give you my reply. _

_My answer is yes. I'll be more than happy to be your boyfriend. In fact, I was going to ask you the same question someday too._

_I'm so sorry that it isn't possible anymore. I was there when Aomine blamed you. I couldn't do anything. I tried to stop him, but I couldn't. My hands went right through. My voice could not be heard. I could only stand there and watch. It hurt, watching the people you care so much about blame each other for things neither of them had done._

_It's not your fault, Kagami-kun. I got hit because I wasn't looking ahead properly. I wasn't careful. Nothing could be done. It was inevitable. So please don't blame yourself. And please forgive Aomine-kun too. I know my death had brought him great sadness._

_Can you do me a favor, Kagami-kun? Please tell everyone that I'm sorry. Tell them I'm sorry for letting them experience such sorrow. And please tell them I said thank you. For everything._

_The same goes to you too. Thank you for being my friend. Thank you for being my light. Thank you for believing in me. Thank you for not forgetting me. Thank you for the tears you'd shed for me. _

_And thank you for your love._

_Until the day we meet again. _

_P/s: Please don't stop playing basketball. I don't want you to feel the pain of hating something you love with all your life as I once did. _

_-Kuroko Tetsuya-_

Tears trickled down Kagami's cheeks as he unconsciously scanned the contents again. He dried his eyes with the collar of his shirt and sniffled loudly. Kuroko had wrote to him from the afterlife, telling him not to blame himself. To thank him. To apologize for leaving.

And to answer the last thing he'd said to him.

_What had he been doing?_

Kagami blinked, finally realizing just how stupid he'd been acting for the previous months. He'd been so foolish that Kuroko couldn't even move on because of him. Coach and Aomine's words finally made sense. Stopping basketball changed nothing.

Kagami should've continued playing. For the sake of Kuroko.

He sniffled and straightened his posture, eyes gleaming with unshed tears and newfound determination.

He'd decided.

**xXx**

Sneakers squeaked against the polished wooden gym floor. The sounds of basketballs being dribbled and the voices of highschoolers shouting to each other could be heard from across the school hallways.

The doors opened. Ten basketball club members looked up, eyes widening when they saw the person that had just arrived.

"K-Kagami?" Riko was the first to find her voice.

The redhead raised a hand in greeting as if not showing up for practice for several months in a row was the most casual thing in the world.

"Yo."


End file.
